Wait for the man who is not the one from your Pinterest boards

I can’t imagine I’m the only good little church girl who has ever been told to “wait for the man who _______.”

*Insert assortment of dreamy one-liners collected from Robin Jones Gunn books.*

Oh, and can we also talk about “your list?” I know you have a list. You know, the one that your youth pastor told you to make in seventh grade. “The list” of attributes, likes, dislikes, etc. that your future husband MUST have, and if he is missing any one of them then, DUH! He is not the one.

We are told so many things about the men we are in waiting for.

But the one thing I was never told about the man I was “supposed to wait for” was that he would, in fact NOT be perfect. He would not be what I was looking for, he would not be “my type,” and he definitely would not match up perfectly with my “list.”

…AT ALL!

So when I met my now-fiancé (WOOP WOOP! 😍), I knew that he was absolutely NOT “the one.” He wasn’t. He wasn’t the one from my Pinterest boards, he wasn’t a squeaky clean small town church boy (which is pretty surprising considering the college we met at). He didn’t drive a truck, and country music was not his favorite. (Yes, those were on my list. *insert eyeroll*)

In fact, rap music was his favorite (gasp!), he did not grow up in church (double gasp!), and he drove a Toyota Camry.

Boy BYEEEEEEE.

Pretty much within the hour of arriving at college on freshmen move-in day, I was planning how to best stage my stuff to look like the cover of the Pottery Barn magazine, and Graham was planning how he was going to move in on me.

But I was not interested, and I didn’t even give him the time of day. Literally. But we can tell that story later…

But that boy was persistent. He had his eye on me from day 1. He was convinced that we were supposed to be together, and I was convinced we weren’t. We went on multiple “Williams Walks” (as the deep talk-walks are affectionately known at our college) that consisted of him telling me how he felt and me confidently telling him that it was not going to happen.

I wish I could say, ” I faithfully prayed about it and God told me we were not supposed to be together,” but I didn’t pray about it. I didn’t have to. I already knew that he was not the one, and I know best, right?

WRONG.

Yes, I was wrong.

Slowly, God began to break down every pre-conceived notion and false expectation I had in my head about “the one.” I stopped looking at what he wasn’t, and I started seeing his heart. I noticed how deeply he cared about me and how he pursued me the way the Lord does. I noticed a genuineness in him when he talked about his faith. “Sunday school answers” were not even a part of his life or vocabulary and he was just real.

He was so different from what was familiar to me. He had a messy past that he didn’t try to hide. He was always vulnerable and honest and he had a constant willingness to improve in all areas of his life. (What a man 😍). Getting to know him opened up my eyes and heart to so many things that I was never exposed to in my comfortable little life. His background was so much different than mine, and he had a perspective on things that I never could. He built up my confidence and saw things in me that I didn’t see in myself.

I began to realize that all of that “list” stuff didn’t matter.

This process of change in me didn’t happen overnight, though. There were so many ups and downs and back-and-forths and moments of major unsureness.  Because I was scared. I read every one of those “an open letter to” articles and I looked everywhere else for the answers. (Please, if you read those articles, STOP! Seriously. You will drive yourself insane with everyone else’s opinions in your head!…but keep reading this one! :))  I was so confused and I hurt Graham so many times because of it. We both made mistakes, but we learned from them and we are better because of them. We talk often about how it was really a blessing that we were able to go through hard things so early on in our relationship because we are so much stronger now and (hopefully) more prepared for the hard times that will come down the road.

There is so much more to add to the story, and I know I left out some big gaps, but I hope I am conveying the bigger picture here. I share all this because I know I can’t be the only girl who has grown up with preconceived notions and expectations about the man she is told to “wait for.” I over-analyzed every little thing like a maniac and made every imperfection in him “proof” that he just wasn’t the one.

Poor guy. What a trooper!

I believe God gives us stories so that we can share them as a way to relate to others and draw closer to those around us. And I want others to know that it actually is ok to be with someone who isn’t perfect, but strives to become more like Jesus every day. Someone who maybe doesn’t fit the mold that you made, but fits perfectly into the mold that God made for you.

I sure wish I would have been told this three-and-a-half years ago.

Gosh, there are so many other details about our relationship that are so precious to me and can’t imagine never knowing them. I still cannot fathom that I get to have a love story like this.

And I am definitely not here to say that I read all the right books and prayed enough of the right prayers and was perfect enough that God decided I deserved to be blessed in this way. Because I didn’t. I still don’t deserve Graham, and I am still not perfect. But God is good; even to those who are imperfect.

I am here to say, don’t limit yourself to the little box that you’ve created. Throw your expectations out the window and see what it is that God wants for you. I can’t imagine how boring and predictable my life would be if I stuck to my “list.”

Now,  here I am sitting at Bread Co. with my 5th treatyoself pumkin muffin of the week (because midterms, ok)…

…waiting for the man who I get to marry in 316 days to arrive at the airport ❤️🙌🏼❤️

Wow. I am so glad that I was wrong!!!